Questioning Myself

Photo credit: Camelyn Gast.

I know who I am.

At least, I thought I did.

My goal in life is to be the best darn Loni I can possibly be. I’ll never be the best writer, actress, seamstress, programmer, artist, dancer, organizer, or whatever other action I pursue. But I will do my best in what I do. This is what I’ve decided with my life, and this is what I pursue.

I was confident in my identity, until…

It was Saturday morning.

I’d woken before the rest of the house and sat snuggled on the couch with my laptop, doing some writing. My daughter crept out, hair messy, sleep still in her eyes. She curled up next to me, rested her chin on my arm, and studied me. This wasn’t unusual. But then she asked a question that shook my world.

“Mama, are you really a squirrel?”

How was I supposed to deal with that?

My own five-year-old daughter doubted what I was.

Where had I gone wrong?

Of course, I assured my daughter that I was indeed a squirrel. It was just my mad ninja skills that had allowed me to trick her into thinking I was human.

But had I been acting too human?

I set about righting my behavior. I altered my hair so golden orange chunks show through. I darted about, tucking all my odd belongings away in their hiding places. I changed my mind when I was half-way across the road.

Hopefully I’ll stay true to who I am so that my son doesn’t question me in the same way when he reaches age five. Time will only tell.

Do you know who you are? Do you ever question who you are? Has anyone asked you any devastating questions lately?

Loni Townsend

About Loni Townsend

Wife. Mother. Writer. Ninja. Squirrel.

29 thoughts on “Questioning Myself

  1. Haha–that’s too funny! Maybe she just wants to know if that makes her part squirrel 🙂
    I think I’m constantly questioning who I am.

  2. Every day when I come home my 3 1/2 year old son asks me if I hit anyone today.

    I question what I’m doing sometimes, too.

  3. That caught me off guard in all the right ways. Adorable. I believe you really told your daughter that too. Squirrel On!

  4. Ha, ha, that cracked me up. I don’t generally question who I am, but I often question if I know what I’m doing. Half the time, the answer is no. I could so see you as a squirrel for Halloween. And just think, you wouldn’t need a costume. 🙂

  5. LOL LOL this wasn’t what I expected from the title. Too cute!

  6. If we stop questioning, we stop growing.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

  7. I’m a Ninja and proud of it!

  8. I guess you’ll have to be more squirrel-like so the kids don’t question you about it. 😉

  9. I haven’t really doubted who I am lately, but I think I’ll start worrying if I have a kid and they ask me if I’ve suddenly found my mind again.

  10. I think you’re the best Loni in the whole world! 😀

    And how dare she question you about being a squirrel! 😛 Doesn’t she know she’s part squirrel herself?

  11. I think reassessing ourselves is normal. Something will come along to make us question. I like your philosophy. I can only be the best me. 🙂

  12. LOL! Yes, I know exactly who I am, and I embrace my geekdom to its fullest degree. (Hence the cheese. And the scientists locked in my basement. And my maybe nonexistent teleportation device. And pet zombie. But who’s keeping track of this stuff anyway?)

  13. That’s wonderful Loni. My 6-year old watched too many movies and started wondering if we were who we say we are. Last year he asked me, ” are you really my Dad?” I assured him that I am and told him I was at the hospital when he was born. A while ago we got back from our vacation and, after we stopped laughing, he said, “I’m glad you’re really my Dad.” I surprised a laugh and said, as seriously as I could, “I’m glad to hear that son.” It’s funny what kids say and I’m glad to be who I am. Especially Dad to two smart boys.

  14. Woweeeee! How will you ever recover from that question? lol

    Got asked “How can you dog sit, you have cats.” That got an eye roll or two.

  15. Emma Adams

    Lol, this made me laugh. Love your goal in life, though. 🙂

  16. Hehehe! Are you not storing food for the winter? That’s a giveaway right there.

  17. HAHA. I love it. I haven’t had anyone ask me anything too deep like this though, but I’ll be prepared if someone does!

  18. I ask myself that question often. Part of the reason why I gave up my last full-time job was because I didn’t like the hard-nosed, Queen B role I had to play – it was like battling with the dark-side every day and I belong to the light. I have since re-defined the real me and quite like who I am. Great post, Loni.

  19. This is too cute! 🙂

  20. Makes me wonder what strange but insightful questions I asked as a child. Missed out on the fun of having kids. Ended up with an instant family, so there are grand-kids and greats to challenge me… when I get to the centre of squirrel-dom, Boise. 😉

  21. I adore squirrels and I think you make a great one! 🙂

  22. I think what matters most is how we roll with the punches and keep growing and adjusting no matter what life throws our way. To always be the best version of ourselves, while also conceding that who we are continually changes. I am so very different from the person I was one year ago.

  23. I have to spend all my time convincing my family that I’m not really an alchemist with strange and unnatural powers. I keep telling them I’m just a normal chemist, but they’re beginning to suspect.

  24. Haha! I love kids. Of course you are a squirrel! ;0)

  25. I’ve had the nickname “Moose” since college. Considering that I’ve had several people point out that I’m much taller and more imposing than I ever consider myself to be, I now wonder if my problem was not noticing how much the name fit when I got it. O_o

  26. Your daughter calling her mother’s identity into question is enough to make you think a bit. I loved this.

  27. Oh my gosh, I’m writing a whole heap of posts about this right now. I might only subject readers to one or two of them but it is nice to get it out! Who am I? All the devastating questions are coming from me.

    “are you really a squirrel?” 🙂 Hee…

  28. Love this post! It totally didn’t go where I expected and it was wonderful! 🙂

  29. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I question myself like this. It usually slams into me hard since I usually go about doing my own thing until these questions hit me.

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