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Questioning Myself

Posted on October 21, 2015 by Loni Townsend

Photo credit: Camelyn Gast.

I know who I am.

At least, I thought I did.

My goal in life is to be the best darn Loni I can possibly be. I’ll never be the best writer, actress, seamstress, programmer, artist, dancer, organizer, or whatever other action I pursue. But I will do my best in what I do. This is what I’ve decided with my life, and this is what I pursue.

I was confident in my identity, until…

It was Saturday morning.

I’d woken before the rest of the house and sat snuggled on the couch with my laptop, doing some writing. My daughter crept out, hair messy, sleep still in her eyes. She curled up next to me, rested her chin on my arm, and studied me. This wasn’t unusual. But then she asked a question that shook my world.

“Mama, are you really a squirrel?”

How was I supposed to deal with that?

My own five-year-old daughter doubted what I was.

Where had I gone wrong?

Of course, I assured my daughter that I was indeed a squirrel. It was just my mad ninja skills that had allowed me to trick her into thinking I was human.

But had I been acting too human?

I set about righting my behavior. I altered my hair so golden orange chunks show through. I darted about, tucking all my odd belongings away in their hiding places. I changed my mind when I was half-way across the road.

Hopefully I’ll stay true to who I am so that my son doesn’t question me in the same way when he reaches age five. Time will only tell.

Do you know who you are? Do you ever question who you are? Has anyone asked you any devastating questions lately?

29 thoughts on “Questioning Myself”

  1. Sarah Foster says:
    October 21, 2015 at 8:11 AM

    Haha–that’s too funny! Maybe she just wants to know if that makes her part squirrel πŸ™‚
    I think I’m constantly questioning who I am.

    Reply
  2. CD Gallant-King says:
    October 21, 2015 at 8:45 AM

    Every day when I come home my 3 1/2 year old son asks me if I hit anyone today.

    I question what I’m doing sometimes, too.

    Reply
  3. Southpaw HR Sinclair says:
    October 21, 2015 at 9:29 AM

    That caught me off guard in all the right ways. Adorable. I believe you really told your daughter that too. Squirrel On!

    Reply
  4. Lori L. MacLaughlin says:
    October 21, 2015 at 10:02 AM

    Ha, ha, that cracked me up. I don’t generally question who I am, but I often question if I know what I’m doing. Half the time, the answer is no. I could so see you as a squirrel for Halloween. And just think, you wouldn’t need a costume. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  5. Julie Flanders says:
    October 21, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    LOL LOL this wasn’t what I expected from the title. Too cute!

    Reply
  6. Arlee Bird says:
    October 21, 2015 at 10:32 AM

    If we stop questioning, we stop growing.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    Reply
  7. Alex J. Cavanaugh says:
    October 21, 2015 at 10:45 AM

    I’m a Ninja and proud of it!

    Reply
  8. Cherie Reich says:
    October 21, 2015 at 11:39 AM

    I guess you’ll have to be more squirrel-like so the kids don’t question you about it. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  9. Misha says:
    October 21, 2015 at 12:25 PM

    I haven’t really doubted who I am lately, but I think I’ll start worrying if I have a kid and they ask me if I’ve suddenly found my mind again.

    Reply
  10. Chrys Fey says:
    October 21, 2015 at 1:09 PM

    I think you’re the best Loni in the whole world! πŸ˜€

    And how dare she question you about being a squirrel! πŸ˜› Doesn’t she know she’s part squirrel herself?

    Reply
  11. Mary Pax says:
    October 21, 2015 at 1:15 PM

    I think reassessing ourselves is normal. Something will come along to make us question. I like your philosophy. I can only be the best me. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  12. Crystal Collier says:
    October 21, 2015 at 1:39 PM

    LOL! Yes, I know exactly who I am, and I embrace my geekdom to its fullest degree. (Hence the cheese. And the scientists locked in my basement. And my maybe nonexistent teleportation device. And pet zombie. But who’s keeping track of this stuff anyway?)

    Reply
  13. Maurice Mitchell says:
    October 21, 2015 at 4:35 PM

    That’s wonderful Loni. My 6-year old watched too many movies and started wondering if we were who we say we are. Last year he asked me, ” are you really my Dad?” I assured him that I am and told him I was at the hospital when he was born. A while ago we got back from our vacation and, after we stopped laughing, he said, “I’m glad you’re really my Dad.” I surprised a laugh and said, as seriously as I could, “I’m glad to hear that son.” It’s funny what kids say and I’m glad to be who I am. Especially Dad to two smart boys.

    Reply
  14. Pat Hatt says:
    October 21, 2015 at 5:16 PM

    Woweeeee! How will you ever recover from that question? lol

    Got asked “How can you dog sit, you have cats.” That got an eye roll or two.

    Reply
  15. Emma Adams says:
    October 21, 2015 at 5:32 PM

    Lol, this made me laugh. Love your goal in life, though. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  16. Christine Rains says:
    October 21, 2015 at 5:56 PM

    Hehehe! Are you not storing food for the winter? That’s a giveaway right there.

    Reply
  17. Beth says:
    October 21, 2015 at 6:56 PM

    HAHA. I love it. I haven’t had anyone ask me anything too deep like this though, but I’ll be prepared if someone does!

    Reply
  18. Nicola says:
    October 21, 2015 at 11:46 PM

    I ask myself that question often. Part of the reason why I gave up my last full-time job was because I didn’t like the hard-nosed, Queen B role I had to play – it was like battling with the dark-side every day and I belong to the light. I have since re-defined the real me and quite like who I am. Great post, Loni.

    Reply
  19. Michelle Wallace says:
    October 22, 2015 at 2:42 AM

    This is too cute! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  20. Roland Clarke says:
    October 22, 2015 at 3:45 AM

    Makes me wonder what strange but insightful questions I asked as a child. Missed out on the fun of having kids. Ended up with an instant family, so there are grand-kids and greats to challenge me… when I get to the centre of squirrel-dom, Boise. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
  21. Lexa Cain says:
    October 22, 2015 at 1:41 PM

    I adore squirrels and I think you make a great one! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  22. Jeri says:
    October 22, 2015 at 9:40 PM

    I think what matters most is how we roll with the punches and keep growing and adjusting no matter what life throws our way. To always be the best version of ourselves, while also conceding that who we are continually changes. I am so very different from the person I was one year ago.

    Reply
  23. ChemistKen says:
    October 23, 2015 at 11:48 AM

    I have to spend all my time convincing my family that I’m not really an alchemist with strange and unnatural powers. I keep telling them I’m just a normal chemist, but they’re beginning to suspect.

    Reply
  24. Sherry Ellis says:
    October 23, 2015 at 12:00 PM

    Haha! I love kids. Of course you are a squirrel! ;0)

    Reply
  25. Mason T. Matchak says:
    October 23, 2015 at 7:21 PM

    I’ve had the nickname “Moose” since college. Considering that I’ve had several people point out that I’m much taller and more imposing than I ever consider myself to be, I now wonder if my problem was not noticing how much the name fit when I got it. O_o

    Reply
  26. C. Lee McKenzie says:
    October 24, 2015 at 10:13 AM

    Your daughter calling her mother’s identity into question is enough to make you think a bit. I loved this.

    Reply
  27. Sarah says:
    October 25, 2015 at 5:23 PM

    Oh my gosh, I’m writing a whole heap of posts about this right now. I might only subject readers to one or two of them but it is nice to get it out! Who am I? All the devastating questions are coming from me.

    “are you really a squirrel?” πŸ™‚ Hee…

    Reply
  28. Tyrean Martinson says:
    October 27, 2015 at 4:56 PM

    Love this post! It totally didn’t go where I expected and it was wonderful! πŸ™‚

    Reply
  29. Medeia Sharif says:
    October 28, 2015 at 2:22 AM

    It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I question myself like this. It usually slams into me hard since I usually go about doing my own thing until these questions hit me.

    Reply

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Welcome to my blog. I post here on Wednesdays most of the time, but you can find me on social media any day of the week. My topics include my stories and writing, life at the Town's End, creating and tinkering with graphics, things I learn and think might be helpful to others, and the occasional amateur photo. Thanks for stopping by! I hope to see you around.

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