March wasn’t the best month for me. You’d think it’d be otherwise, with it being my birthday month and whatnot. Though I enjoyed the day of turning 35, a couple weeks before I was an emotional wreck. See, early in the month, I started a diet and exercise program. Eight weeks of RushFit with slow carb meals and a weekly cheat day. I had it all planned out, I was prepared, and I was mentally writing my “I did it!” blog post in my mind.
Thursday of the second week found me curled up on the couch, sobbing over the silliest thing. I didn’t get to do my exercise. I’d spent the morning at the pediatrician addressing my son’s ability to breathe, and then the afternoon at the urgent care doc-in-the-box with my husband’s swollen foot and aching knee. I returned home to find I had a flat tire on my car, which isn’t a common size and there were no businesses that kept it in stock.
I broke down, and I cried. Not because I couldn’t torture myself with exercise, but because it was yet another thing that I had started and failed. All I wanted was to prove to myself that I could follow this program, that I could accomplish this. I could stick to this! Even with all my careful effort, all my preparedness, Life grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my face into the ground.
I don’t handle spur-of-the-moment changes very well.
You might think, it’s just one day! Just pick it up the next day and carry on. Well, it continued for a week. School meetings, award assemblies, music programs, doctor appointments, factory recalls on my car… Little things that took hours out of my day, hours that I’d reserved for me.
The selfish despair set it. My best friend can attest to the mental drama going on. Feeling sad that I couldn’t have my time, feeling guilty about feeling sad. My brain isn’t a pleasant place to be.
But you’re here for Insecure Writer’s Support Group, not the laments of Loni. It ties in. My writing is a lot like my exercise. It’s something I love, that I need, and it’s also something I can’t do well with the kids around or if I don’t get my single hour a day that I’ve allotted myself for my me time.
As the years continue to pass, I worry if this next book will be another one of those things that won’t see completion. Sure, I can pick it up, carry on, get to it when I can. But it’s a painful reminder that I’m not allowed to make it a priority in my life.
Despite everything, I have been making progress in writing. It’s not the project I should be working on, but it’s still writing. I will be starting my eight week program again on Sunday, after I run a 5K with my sis-in-law. I hope this time, I’ll get to write my success post.
BTW, my birthday was good. I got free lunch with my co-workers, sushi for dinner, and did one of those escape rooms with my husband. I had a great time.
About Insecure Writer’s Support Group
You can find the sign up for the IWSG here. We owe Alex J Cavanaugh a huge thank you for thinking this blog hop up.
How was your March? Do you like any particular exercise programs? How is your writing coming along?
26 thoughts on “According To Plan #IWSG”
March didn’t go so well for me either on a number of fronts than just things I’ve posted about so I’m right there with you. Just got to keep plugging along I guess.
Currently I’m in Crossfit. It’s nice because you can infinitely scale it, but at the same time I’m scaling everything down. I keep thinking I should invite people on bring a friend night, but I don’t want to admit how bad I am.
As for writing…well, we know the problems there. I’m not sure if this is helpful since I can’t remember which programs you prefer, but I tend to just whip out my phone whenever I have a chance and jot something down (yay Scrivener for iOS). I get weird looks, but I feed my need to work on something even if it’s just a side project for me. Killed my battery a lot lately though. Good thing I carry battery packs and a charging cable. XD
I used to do yoga and aerobics (jogging, mostly) on a regular basis, but I fell out of the habit years ago (I don’t remember why), and I’ve never gotten back into it. I really wish I could make myself do it, because it would be good for me for multiple reasons, but I haven’t managed it yet. And I don’t even have a good reason like having a family who needs me.
I’m glad that you’re making progress writing—even if it isn’t the project you feel you should be working on. Any writing is good.
Happy belated birthday!
One of my fave quotes is a Yiddish proverb. “Man plans, God laughs,” or another version, “Man purposes, God disposes.”
Happy belated birthday, glad it was a good day for you. Happy IWSG!
‘ Juneta @ Writer’s Gambit
Maybe you were just getting all of the crap over with at once?
It’s done. Just hit reset and try again.
That sucks. Some weeks are just those weeks from hell, when it never seems to end. And going on a low-carb diet at the same time is not going to help. Drastic changes to your diet are always going to mess with your mood.
But it sounds like you’re getting through it, and you know what you have to do to keep moving forward. This shit just happens sometimes. Sounds like you’re still getting some writing done, which is amazing, and sounds like you a had a great birthday, which is also great. Welcome to the downhill slide to 40! 😛
Fight for your me time, keep your head together, and good luck on your 5k. This too shall pass.
Writing is one of those activities that has its ups and downs. If you keep plugging away, then it will eventually get finished, but in the meantime, it can feel as though you’re failing, even when you are making progress. We want to get to “The End” so badly, we can’t see the progress we’re making.
Hope next month is better for you.
I’m looking forward to that success post. You’ll make it!
I’m sorry that you had such a difficult month. I don’t know how you accomplish all you do but I so admire it. Take care and try to be easier on yourself, although I know that is much easier said than done.
I think I missed your birthday on FB so I will say a belated Happy Birthday now! Glad it was a good one.
I’m sorry things have been so stressful! I think working on any writing should count as a win, though. 🙂
What a sucky suckfest. I’m so sorry things are so mess up. Your brain and body are frickin’ tired. It needs a break and can’t get it. Things are happening out of your control—hence sobbing on the couch. It is totally understandable. I’m sending good thoughts your way and speedy recovery for EVERYBODY! You’ll get there. ?
Happy belated birthday!
You and I sound like we had a similar March, except yours seems way worse (no one I love was sick/injured), but I totally get the breaking down and crying. When small (and sometimes large) things compound on one another, it makes everything difficult. Really difficult. And crying sometimes is just the best way to get it out.
I’m so sorry you had a difficult month. Good thing it’s April now.
Fresh start 🙂
I think your goals are wonderful Loni. I am also sad so much sickness has hit your family and a flat tire on top of it. I am sure down the road when you look back, you’ll smile and think, hey, I made it. You will 🙂
We all get knocked off course sometimes. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. April will be better – it has to be, right? 🙂
Your birthday sounds awesome!
You could have been writing this post for me. No joke.
I FINALLY chose a diet plan, and – WHAM – life has conspired to keep me from doing the exercise part and made the food prep part more difficult than it had to be. I found myself saying on day two (day two!), “See? This is why I can never succeed at dieting, exercising, and taking care of myself.” An I-have-no-time-to-write-either mope followed shortly after.
I’m not to the point of curling up and crying, yet, but I’m close. My reaction is taking more of an angry turn. Part of me is threatening to move out and live alone. Then I’d have time to do these things.
As the mom of now-almost-all-grown kids, you will one day look back on this time and think- holy shit, I survived. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re getting done what needs done. You’re far from failing- you’re dealing with real-life triage. The day will come when you don’t have all the life crises and you’ll be able to check things off your list. But while you’re raising kids, just be satisfied that you made it to bedtime with a few brain cells in tact. Hugs, Loni.
If it’s any consolation, I didn’t get much writing done in my 30s, or early 40s, when I had a couple of little kids. It’s hard. I felt for years like I never got to finish a thought, let alone a sentence.
Something I wish I’d discovered back then: flash fiction. It takes an hour to draft one, another hour to revise, and it is something accomplished. I didn’t think I could do it at first, but I’ve learned, and it’s made me a better writer of my novels, too.
Just a thought, and may April be much better than March!
Rebecca’s AtoZ A to Z and IWSG
I’m sorry all that crap happened and knock on wood that success post is coming. You can do it! I’ve wanted to do one of those escape room things since I learned there are two in Indianapolis. Did you make it out?!
I think you have every right to be sad. Setting time aside for yourself is healthy. A must really. You deserve to care for yourself as much as caring for everyone else. Feeling guilty about it is natural too.
And failing is not the same thing as stopping and reprioritizing which is what you did so you could live with yourself and care for your family. Next time, talk to yourself like the caring person you are. You’d never give another person heck for doing such a thing, so don’t do it to yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to you.
Happy belated birthday. 🙂
I guess any kind of progress can be considered a good thing. Sometimes we probably just need a time for regrouping and reassessment. Then we can move onward once again.
Tossing It Out
Quite the eloquent post. Thanks for sharing your trials and tribulation. At least if the book can’t be made a priority, at least take solace in the power of creation, even if it has to come along at a slower pace than you’d like.
I’m sorry you had a hard month, but hopefully April will be better. Good luck with you exercise program and your family. And happy birthday.
I’m so sorry you had such a tough month 🙁 Sometimes, things are so overwhelming and they pile up on top of each other. I hope April is going better for you. Happy belated birthday too 🙂
I’m sorry things haven’t been going well. >_< I know what you mean about needing the time to write, as I feel the same way – if I don't get the time to sit down and work on stuff, it feels like something's wrong with the day, and I've had less time for myself recently because of overtime. So I definitely hear you there. I hope things get better for you soon.
I’m glad your birthday was good! Don’t know how I missed commenting on this post. Maybe I did comment and the internet ate it. *shrugs* There are always seasons when life grabs us by the pants and shakes us upside down. I’ve been trying to exercise too, but more in preparation for the baby. Which is also not going well. But you know what I learned? According to studies, it doesn’t matter if you exercise 30 minutes a day for 5 days a week, or 2.5 hours once a week. The health results are the same. I think we have to apply that to every aspect of life. Don’t sweat the small things, and find a system that works around your individual insanity.
I had the same month! (Except the bday. Happy birthday, my friend.) Didn’t you see my “Burning the Candle at Both Ends” post? March sucked. Or, better put, “Life grabbed me by the back of the head and shoved my face into the ground.” Yes. That. Also, this: “But it’s a painful reminder that I’m not allowed to make it a priority in my life.” Hope things are a bit better now.
Happy belated birthday! Sorry to hear about all the rocks life threw at your windows. That really sucks.
As for exercise plans, the only thing that *really* works for me is a strong external deadline. When I was in fight camp, knowing other people were counting on me and would be pissed if I didn’t show up was extremely motivating, not to mention the realization that my opponent was training to kick my ass.
Maybe external motivation will work for you too? Hope April was better!