I’ve been working my way through Isto, listening to the chapters through my text-to-speech program. One thing I’ve noticed is the sheer number of missing words I’ve come across that my eyes just skim over. Take this example. Five different people besides me have read it and no one noticed:
Cameron threw himself to his feet. “Enough!”
The people closest to him quieted first and it rippled through the rest of room like a ring around a water drop. He glared down from his place on the platform. Several eyes looked away. He focused on Fredrick. “I will admit to charges of treason. You may even take my life if you wish it. But my unit is innocent and that is not debatable. Do I make myself clear?”
Did you see the missing word, or did your mind flow over and fill it in like mine did? It might be easier since you know something’s missing and it’s only a small snippet.
My ears have found no less than a dozen of these mistakes that my eyes just miss, and I’m only a quarter of the way through the book. Sheesh!
Since I was combing through my story, I took another peek at my blurb. Going to Facebook gave me minor feedback, but then Chemist Ken chimed in with his input. So I’m still working on the blurb.
Here’s what I posted to Facebook in a group meant for indie covers and blurbs.
He saved his wife and condemned his world.
She’s the ruler of the broken. He’s the breaker of the rules. Derek stole the power of the deities to bring MaTisha back to life. Given the choice, he wouldn’t hesitate to do the same again.
But people are dying.
An unknown illness manifests among a race immune to everything, thrusting Derek into the role of healer. As he leaves to save the people who once saved him, reports of attacks reach MaTisha’s desk. Istos, immortal creatures from myth, are loose and literally sucking the life out of the population.
MaTisha struggles to keep her people safe, but resurrection changed her. She’s lost her power, her guardians. Even her self-control is slipping. An insatiable thirst plagues her. And now, some of her dearest companions are starting to look tasty.
I went back to the drawing board after Ken emailed me. I admit I have some darlings that I’m unwilling to part with. The new version is about 10 words too long for my tastes, but I’m not sure where to trim it. It’s still a work-in-progress and this is what I’ve got as of this morning:
She’s the ruler of the broken. He’s the breaker of the rules.
MaTisha died in the final battle of the Thanmir War. Derek stole the power of the deities to bring her back. Now, they demand he restore what was taken and be the weapon used in re-killing his wife.
Derek tries to flees his fate, but discovers divine wrath is only a fraction of his problems. An unknown illness manifests among a race immune to everything, putting his only child at risk. Istos, immortal creatures from myth, are loose and literally sucking the life out of the population.
While Derek leaves to find a cure, MaTisha fights to protect her people. But resurrection’s changed her. She’s lost her power, her guardians. Even her self-control is slipping. An insatiable thirst plagues her, making her closest companions look tasty.
As the death toll rises, the terrible consequences of Derek’s choice become clear.
He saved his wife…
…and condemned his world.
Better? Worse? Suggestions?
Do you like writing blurbs? What’s the most common mistake you make when writing? Do you usually pick up on missing words?